Why?

So, I promised that the majority of these articles would be fairly short and to the point.  However, today I must go back on my word so that I can help you understand a little bit more about me, and why I am on the journey I am currently travelling.

For a good number of years, I was quite ill.  So ill in fact that at some point the doctors did not think I was going to make it, and my family members were told to start making final arrangements for me.  There were times I could not walk or care for myself, but God has brought me through a very dark and trying time and great healing has taken place in my body.

I remember one night, being in the resuscitation room at the ER as my heart had stopped and there was a young boy about the age of 17 in the bed beside me who had been stabbed and left for dead on the streets.  I remember it so well because it was Valentines night, and although I could not communicate with my family or doctors, I could pray to my heavenly Father and that is what I did.  I prayed for me, my family and for the boy in the bed beside me.  As the doctors worked tirelessly on him to bring him back for more than 45 minutes, I could hear his mother and girlfriend screaming and crying out in the hallway.  They called it.  He was gone.  About 7 to 10 minutes later, one of the nurses called them all back, she got a thready pulse.  Again, the medical team worked their hardest to bring this boy back, but nothing was working.  It was his time I guess.  Why?  I am not sure.

Why did I live?  Why did I live through the gazillion visits to the ICU, ER and Resuss rooms only to survive?  Why have I escaped the clutches of death nearly all my life?  You see since I was a child there has been a plethora of times where my life should have been taken, but by the grace of God, I was saved, and I was having a hard time with this.

This past January, I went into the ER and ICU for three different weeks.  I was diagnosed with yet another terrifying health issue, and again I asked myself why?  "Why God have you saved me from all of what I have gone through, just to live this miserable life?"  You see my heart had been broken.  From very close friends, to my spirit... it was just broken.  And although I knew it was only Christ who could fill the cracks, holes and pieces of my heart that had been ripped out, I also longed for something deeper.  I needed Him and only Him.  But I also needed people.  After all, even God said, "it is not good for man to be alone."  I just needed an earthly person to share some of life with.  However that is for another posting.

So I am sitting there, bawling my eyes out after waking up after another night of asking Abba Father to take me home and I asked Him again WHY???  "Why did you save me?  Why did you save me just for this:?"  And even though it was not an audible voice, as clear as day I heard... "I SAVED YOU BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO LIVE... BEFORE YOU DIE, I WANT YOU TO LIVE THE LIFE I PLANNED FOR YOU"  And so my friends... I plan on living.  What I will do and how I will do it? I am not quite sure yet, but I have already started to make changes and have started to live.  Join with me and live your life today!